Cold and callous..

For the sake of satisfying my appetite, as I peeked in the refrigerator, I saw nothing appetizing. There were raw vegetables, eggs and a lot of other things but none of them soaked my mouth a tad. I suddenly realized that my hunger is for something sweet and in no time I found a small candy-chocolate from the side door of the freezer. The chocolate candy was as hard as a stone. I decided to leave it out in the air for a while so that it softens little bit before I chew it ‘cause I didn’t want to break the precious diamonds located in my mouth. After waiting for about half hour and noticing no-change in candy’s solidity, I lost my persistence. I introduced the solid candy to my mouth and my mouth started watering. To my astonishment, the candy softened at once as it mixed with my saliva and it didn’t hurt my teeth either. Finally I swallowed it down my throat and the mice inside my stomach took a rest.

On the same note, let’s talk about the people around us whom we think of as “stone-hearted people”. People who, we say, are cold and callous with absolutely no emotions and principles. Often times we don’t dare to come closer to them because we think they will hurt us. We leave them alone in this even-colder world and think it will make them a little flexible. Apparently, we are wrong. Try to suck in the coldness out of such people,treat them with warmth and see the miracle. Sooner or later you’ll notice a change in them. You’ll see them softening just like that candy and then you’ll be chewing on them. Chewing, not in a sense that you’ll be ruling over them but in a sense that you’ll make them yours forever. Trust me! By doing this you’ll be rewarded with a never-ending satisfaction.

Remember! Cold doesn’t exist. It’s just another name for absence of warmth. 

My grandpa said goodbye!

08/12/11-On Thursday he came to Karachi, to our house for the first time ( as far as I remember).
He wouldn't stay at our house for a single night! He was scared he would slip off the tiles. He didn't want to be dependent on anyone. He was a proud man with a proper sense of his own dignity and integrity. After 15 minutes of pleading and imploring ,he finally acceded to stay overnight. We gossiped for hours. I showed him my art work. He praised every slightest detail of it. For me his accolades were award of a triumph. He sang for me. He blessed me with bunch of prayers and tender kisses. Then he was tired. He said I am old. I didn't want to become somewhat of a nuisance. I wished him 'night and slept. In the morning, before leaving for college I said goodbye to him. Never knew it would be our final good bye.

15/12/11-Thursday again. We got the news of his demise. They say he was perfectly fine. They say he was ready to come to Karachi.  They say he was laughing and gossiping five minutes before. They showed me picture.He was giggling. They say he asked for five minutes of rest before he rides in car. They say he went in the room and closed his eyes-forever. He never wanted to be dependent of anyone and he did so. He was an independent, intelligent, wise and strong 85 years old man who lived his life as a king. He was active politically, socially and religiously too. He never lived in palatial house but where ever he lived, the place presented sight of a paradise.He was father of 7 daughters and 1 son. People taunted him. He didn't care. He was the first one to educate his daughters in the area and he was proud of his offspring. By today, he has became the inspiration of many families.I am proud to be his granddaughter.

18/12/11-Oh grandpa. I miss you already. I know you knew it before that God is calling you. I believe people with absolutely fine nature, like you, are so close to God that they know when the death angel will come and get hold of their soul. You could have told me. I know I am not making any sense but I want you. I know you are looking at me from heaven and smiling and telling me that this is rule of life and you want me to be strong .I am trying. I swear I am. Please tell God to give me more strength. Please. Imy!

*may his soul rest in peace. Aameen*

15 minutes of eternity!

20 minutes were left in departure as we finished eating our Pizza-slices which we bought from food court at Buffalo NY airport on November 10^th 2010. That’s when I realized I had to check the presence of my belongings. Laptop- check! Backpack- check! Cap-check! Am I missing anything? Shoes- check. I felt like I am missing something. What it could possibly be? Um… clothes? – Check- double check. What! After 3 long minutes of distress and meditation, my tension eased followed by an everlasting worry. The very next moment, I started hunting inside my backpack. No it wasn’t there. I asked everyone nearby but nobody seemed to have a slight clue. In next instant I found myself rewinding my memory tape around last half hour in a flash.

As I entered from the front door and made my way toward boarding counter. I had it over there. After passing security process I held it in my hand… then? I went to restroom. RESTROOM!!! I put it near wash basin and No! I didn’t pick it up. OhmyGod! I glanced at my watch. It’s been nearly 35 minutes since I left the restroom. Still lost in thoughts, with my exchange sister I headed for restroom. Somebody must’ve gotten hold on it, may be some criminal! He will sell it for big bucks or change the picture of me and use it for committing some severe criminalities. What else they could possibly do? Perhaps throw it in garbage? Or… I fondled with a gentleman. “Sorry!” I said and kept on moving. I was panicking.

 How can I be so irresponsible? I am going to miss a grand trip to NY City. How enthusiastic I was for it. I ought to miss all other trips which are waiting for me in upcoming months. Disney, Virginia, Ohio and what not! Even if I don’t go to any trips, how am I going to fly back to Pakistan without it? May be my dad can pay embassy to make a new one for me but is it even possible? ...Million thoughts were rushing into my mind but not a single one of them was optimistic. No hope. I shed some tears of regret as I saw the restroom sign. Without wasting a single second I ran inside and rifled every single spot. As expected, it wasn’t there. But what should I do now?

 Finally my mind indicated a diminutive smartness and commanded me to ask the guard standing right across the hall. I did it and his answer ignited a light of optimism in me. “Yes, we sent it to gate#3”. After struggle of 2-3 minutes and answering a million questions, I found it back. My passport! - A green little book of several pages with my name and some more information on it. I brought it closer, hugged it tightly with care and went to look for my host family. It was nearly time to board and they were waiting for me. Their faces conveyed emotion of satisfaction as soon as they got aware of the fact that I found my passport back.

Everything happened posthaste. An adventurous experience of only 15 minutes although ended with an ecstasy but left me with ceaseless cogitation. I never knew that my gray matter can work so fast. As I recall the dreadful experience, I am unable to catch-up with the pace of the thoughts that were making me sick before. Really! human body can do dramatic things which we don’t realize until or unless we go through some particular experiences. Those 15 minutes also led me to agree on a point that we don’t realize how worthy something is 'til we lose it. This hypothesis implies with everything-including humans! I flew in 13 different planes afterward but every time I kept a nimble eye on my passport. Those fifteen minutes also rewarded me and my host family with an inside joke that “Don’t take your passport to restroom ever again or if you leave it there again and it falls in the commode, you’ll have to carry a stinking one with you”.

*It’s not quite a farewell.*

*It’s not quite a farewell.*


People meet and go away. “Sigh”!
Is it really time to say goodbye?!
Together, every day passed like second.
Now when you will go, every second is reckoned.
But I don’t believe! It’s not quite a farewell,
Within my heart, your memories will always dwell.
You have printed your feet on my heart,
Like millions miles can’t separate us a-part.
Your “adieu” is, for me, indeed an ecstasy,
Cause you are the queen/king and US is your dynasty.
Go, rock! Mesmerize blondes and rule.
As you made my life super-pretty cool.
Ever in your life, if comes increasing infirmity,
Look back at me; I am there for you till eternity.
Best of luck for every challenge you are gonna face!
May you be the one, who the success will chase!
Just don’t forget the ones you are leaving here,
You won’t find anyone like us over there.
Let me be the roots of your ever-green tree!
Give me a call please, when you are free.
Our memories will never-ever cherish less,
How I feel, no mortal language can express.
I will miss you, miss you so much,
Say my hey to US and try to be in touch:)

Home is where the heart is!

This is my first blog after I have opened my eyes in real world. A world which belongs to me and where I belong. After living ten months of dream life in America, I said goodbye to my host state New York on June 12th. I remember how hard it was to say goodbye to my natural family when I was leaving Pakistan even though I knew that I am going to meet them in one year. But it was even harder to say goodbye to all my new relatives in USA without knowing that when I am going to see them back. Well with hope of visiting my love ones' soon I headed toward Washington DC for re-entry orientations. To be honest I didn’t miss anyone over there but my host family, I was so busy in my tight schedule and having fun with my old friends that I didn’t miss anyone. I know it was so rude of me but I knew that I am not going to get this time of my life back and I have to live every second of it. 5 days in DC were so hasty with a lot of activities including visiting monuments, White house, shopping, senate meeting and much more. Finally the day came when me along with 69 other Pakistani exchange students were supposed to leave the US land. We were going from Dc- Dubai and then Pakistan. On June 17^th, we left American university at 4:00 pm for airport and our flight was supposed to board around 9:35pm. But because of computer system shut down, it got late and after waiting 12 hours desperately they finally announced at 4:28 am that our flight got cancelled and we have to go back to the campus and wait for next flight which is tomorrow. Alright. Things were absolutely fine until they told me that I and 3 more people are NOT leaving tomorrow. For a while I was blank and didn’t even try to understand the reason and started crying because I didn’t want to travel 13 hours straight without all my friends and say them goodbye 2 days before. Later on I figured that US loves me and want to keep me for one more day so I relaxed and next day I got to know that 5 more people are staying with us because there are not enough seats in plane to fit all 70. That was good news. We enjoyed every single moment of our last day and finally got on plane at 5:30 on 19^th. From DC we flied to Kuwait. It was an 11 hours long flight. The most adventurous thing that happened was, after 2 hours of being in plane, the weather got worst. It started raining so hard and according to me the lightening came in to the plane (somebody was doing flash photography). On the height of 11,976 feet our plane started trembling. For a while I was so scared that I took out the security info paper and started looking where the life jacket is. I revised all the swimming tricks my host parents taught me whole year and looked at all the flight information (height, speed) (just in case if I am safe, I am going to tell new reporters). That was silly of me but it was fun. After a while our plane got smooth and everything went well for the rest of 9 hours. We landed on Kuwait airport and took off for Bahrain airport in one hour. Then there was a 9 hour stay in Bahrain and FINALLY we took off for Pakistan. I got home on 21^st of June at 6:00 am and met my family. I was having Abe Lincoln hat on and had a toy monkey in my hand that everybody started laughing at me on airport with joy. My family welcomed me warmly and world here was so strange. I felt like I have never been to this place. There was a question that did everything changed in a year or did I change? Specially when I got here my best friend, my brother was sick. He got typhoid and he couldn’t even get up from bed. Everybody was so busy in him and so was I. He had a constant 105/106 temperature and could not eat for 5 days. Yesterday he got done with his treatment and thank God he is feeling better now. He is the one who understands me the most and life here would be even more fun with him. The worst thing I am facing is the jetlag. I can’t get sleep at night and want to sleep whole day here. I get up at 4 in the morning saying that I am hungry and right now its 5am and I couldn’t sleep so decided to write my blog. I apologize from everyone for being late to write. Life here is also good with delicious food, my family and my own land but still I miss everyone from my dream world. I miss USA and yes I will go back there. Soon.